Cleanup
I never forget a face. If I absolutely have to ice somebody, I always remember to take it with me.
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Ceci n'est pas un blog
I'm not kidding!
October 30, 2007
October 29, 2007
Forensics
Judging from the traces they leave, people seem to be at their worst in public restrooms.
October 28, 2007
Mission accomplished
By my count, by pursuing an ill-considered and illegal preemptive war, President Bush and his accomplice Congress have now murdered more Americans than the 9/11 terrorists did, not to mention the untold Iraqi civilian casualties. Congratulations, traitors, and God help us all.
October 27, 2007
Bushes
Never trust a librarian who marries a man who doesn't read.
October 26, 2007
John the Baptist
Living on nothing but locusts and honey doesn't impress me. Try Sterno and cardboard sometime, chump!
October 25, 2007
Slipstream
It sounds less like a genre of fiction and more like what happens when you fart and get more than you bargained for.
October 24, 2007
Jesus saves
But even He's gonna weep fat baby tears if He doesn't also remember to back up.
October 23, 2007
Insomnia
I have trouble sleeping while there are children starving in my city. Why can't they be quieter about it?
October 22, 2007
Box office
Yes, I chose Bush over Gore, but I thought the question was late-night cable.
October 21, 2007
Illiteracy campaign
Teach a child to read and that's just more royalties for Dr. Phil.
October 20, 2007
How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
I bought one.
October 19, 2007
Refreshing
When life gives you lemons, extract the citric acid and spray it in life's eyes.
October 18, 2007
Motion
It's not the size of the boat—it's the whammo of the ammo.
October 17, 2007
Gee, Rocky
Squirrels rule the early morning streets. I have to pay a tribute of Cheetos just to retrieve my paper from the stoop unmolested. Damn those orange-pawed monsters!
October 16, 2007
Jammed keys
I have an intimate relationship with my typewriter. That makes it difficult to keep the roller clean.
October 15, 2007
To do
My life pretty much depends on making a to-do list, but I kept forgetting to put it on my to-do list.
October 14, 2007
Eat nothing but potato chips and still lose weight!
I call it the Horse Latitudes Diet. It worked for me. Just limit yourself to two per day.
October 13, 2007
Scars
It's no accident my voice sounds like this. It's takes a special kind of man to get a brand on his vocal cords.
October 12, 2007
Horizons
I hate flying. I have ever since my father threatened to let go of the kite string.
October 11, 2007
Piping hot
Children are terrific. Especially with a nice pomegranate glaze.
