Perry Slaughter : October 2007

Cleanup

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I never forget a face. If I absolutely have to ice somebody, I always remember to take it with me.

Forensics

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Judging from the traces they leave, people seem to be at their worst in public restrooms.

Mission accomplished

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By my count, by pursuing an ill-considered and illegal preemptive war, President Bush and his accomplice Congress have now murdered more Americans than the 9/11 terrorists did, not to mention the untold Iraqi civilian casualties. Congratulations, traitors, and God help us all.

Bushes

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Never trust a librarian who marries a man who doesn't read.

John the Baptist

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Living on nothing but locusts and honey doesn't impress me. Try Sterno and cardboard sometime, chump!

Slipstream

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It sounds less like a genre of fiction and more like what happens when you fart and get more than you bargained for.

Jesus saves

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But even He's gonna weep fat baby tears if He doesn't also remember to back up.

Insomnia

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I have trouble sleeping while there are children starving in my city. Why can't they be quieter about it?

Box office

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Yes, I chose Bush over Gore, but I thought the question was late-night cable.

Illiteracy campaign

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Teach a child to read and that's just more royalties for Dr. Phil.

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Who? What?

Perry Slaughter is the reclusive author of such cult works of horror and sci-fi as Chairman of the Board, Deus ex Machina, and more. His passions include vinyl records, scotch whisky, and high-seas piracy.

Perry Slaughter

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