When life gives you lemons, extract the citric acid and spray it in life's eyes.
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It's not the size of the boatit's the whammo of the ammo.
Squirrels rule the early morning streets. I have to pay a tribute of Cheetos just to retrieve my paper from the stoop unmolested. Damn those orange-pawed monsters!
I have an intimate relationship with my typewriter. That makes it difficult to keep the roller clean.
My life pretty much depends on making a to-do list, but I kept forgetting to put it on my to-do list.
I call it the Horse Latitudes Diet. It worked for me. Just limit yourself to two per day.
It's no accident my voice sounds like this. It's takes a special kind of man to get a brand on his vocal cords.
I hate flying. I have ever since my father threatened to let go of the kite string.
Children are terrific. Especially with a nice pomegranate glaze.
The only education worth a damn is self-education.